Looks like I shalln’t be going to the Quiz this evening; not on my own. It’s pathetic. I can’t scrape up a single person to come along this evening. Naturally I’ll take the hint and cry in a dark corner somewhere before becoming a 21st century Miss Havisham.

Levity aside (?), this gives me the rare experience of a free Tuesday. Once upon a time, this would have potentially meant a trip down to Streatham but I don’t feel like doing that. Could go home and play Xbox – finish Banjo Kazooie (only Click Clock Wood and the final challenges to go) and maybe get stuck into the Force Unleashed. But again, this doesn’t particularly have significance or at least not tonight. No, I want to go out and _do_ something but there’s nobody to do it with…

Phrasing Straw, phrasing.

Of course, I could apply a little reasoning and logic, pocket the cash I won’t spend tonight and mentally take it off how much I spent at the weekend on my new toy. It’s a nice idea; won’t happen but pleasant thoughts and all that.

Anyway, let’s park random thoughts for now. Nowt to report from last night except that the only place you can find sugar-free juice are the huge supermarkets. Every little store has calorie packed rubbish but try and find the healthier stuff and you’re boned. Ate two salads yesterday, one for lunch and one for dinner. It wasn’t my intention as I brought in a Quorn lasagne to work (3 for 2 in price) but yesterday lunchtime, just didn’t feel like it so headed downstairs. And frankly, the thought doesn’t fill me with excitement today.

As you can tell from the above, I’m having trouble coming up with something meaningful for today’s blog entry. Not that every day has to be definitive in terms of reportage – just look at the third rate columnists in newspapers like Carol Malone, Richard Littlejohn and of course, Bojo. And yeah, I could pass comment on all today’s major news stories but then you’ll be reading professional journos and not this lazy old hack.

Anyone seen the adverts for Sky on Demand where Joanna Lumley waxes lyrical about television on her iPad? I don’t know what the live-action version of airbrushing is called but for a 67 year old woman, she had nairy a wrinkle or a facial flaw in sight. In fact, her skin appeared to be eerily white and glowing, as if she had come fresh from a nuclear power plant. Who the hell are they trying to kid?

Dear EE – if as your advertising and other associated promotional materials claim you are the biggest network in the UK, wouldn’t it be an idea for you to hire more staff so that your customers can get a phone call answered within thirty minutes, especially at peak times? And please remember that phones tend to auto disconnect after an hour so when queuing to get your call answered, a little speed is appreciated.

Dear Waterstones – sell more board games.

Dear Woolworths – come back, these pound stores are just terrible. Except for sweets though they can’t beat you for pick n mix.

Dear Supermarkets across Britain – re self service tills: can you please organise into two lines. One for morons and one for people who know how to use the service properly. That way you’re not stuck behind people who despite having seen checkout staff operate machinery hundreds of times, still have trouble passing a barcode over a scanner.

Dear Computer Hackers – stop making viruses. Virus scanners slow our PCs down far too much and interfere with legitimate processes. Thank-you.

Dear Secret Escapes – if I see one more advert with that irritating woman whispering to the camera, I shall behave like Tamerlane Khan and build a pyramid of skulls from your employees. It does NOT make me or anyone I know want to browse your website or buy any of your products.

Dear Coca-Cola – stop putting sugar into your products. That way, people won’t be quite so fat. Dear Pepsi, please do the same.

Dear America – please tell us who shot JFK, we can’t wait for the files to be declassified.

I’m turning into Grandpa Simpson…

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