If you’re the sensitive type, look away now, scroll up, down or run away to another blog cos I’m about to write about something…unsavoury.  We Brits are happy to shock each other with smut and filth but when it’s crunch time, just feel appalled and abhorred by certain talk.
Enough pre-amble, let’s talk about my ‘roids.


Yup, haemorrhoids.  Dingleberries, bum-grapes, Farmer Giles – whatever you want to call ’em, they’re the curse of whomever has them.  And yup, I’m happy to come out of the closet and admit I have a slight dingleberry problem (that’s my preferred euphemism).  They’re not an issue, no pain, no cramps, just the occasional drop of blood but yesterday that drop turned into a flood.  Naturally I felt more than a little discomfited by this.

Y’see folks, bum bleeding…ain’t good.  Whilst it can be quite benign (piles, polyps, fissures, poor digestion etc), it can also be symptomatic of something way, way more serious – prostate or bowel cancer, Crohn’s Disease. A good clue is the colour of the blood – if it’s proper blood red, then the bleeding has started lower down as it’s fresher.  That’s more likely to be of the “benign” variety.  Don’t dismiss it though – colouration isn’t definitive.  However, if blood is darker and/or dirtier in colour then it’s been bleeding from else where in the body.  In that case, drop what you’re doing and head on down to the doctor.

So if you do spot blood in your poo, or when you wipe, go and check it out with a medical professional and don’t do the “stiff upper lip thing”.  Otherwise you might find yourself picking out burial plots a lot sooner than you might have hoped.

Oh – and as for me, I’m going to have to cut back on the amount of jalapeño peppers I scoff.  And more Yoghurt/Tzaziki on my chilli con carnes.  Enough preaching, enjoy your weekends folks.