Hmmm, the recent buzz I’ve been having lately has somewhat worn off leaving me unsure and uncertain.  A succession of unreliable people, flakes and charlatans have made me question the recent resurgance of my faith in my fellow man.  As I’ve just written in an instant message:
There’s been a few mate/date/shag things in the last couple of weeks that people have been letting me down on. It’s ego destroying
Well, there ya go.  I guess I’m learning who the genuine people are and who the losers are.  Sometimes I really wonder what the point of existence is because it seems that every step taken forward, there’s a gale-force wind whipped up from the north to push you back.
I guess I want a big success to look forward to.  Like definitely keeping my job.  Or a lottery win (always with the damn lottery win).  Sometimes I just think I should take the damn redundancy money win from work and run but then I think "why the fuck should I risk everything"?  I always risk things and have lost more than I’ve won.  An experienced gambler knows to quit because the big pay-off isn’t around the corner.
I don’t know what it is that just seems heavy – maybe it’s the whole upcoming house vacancy, job worry and other issues all combining together.  But I shouldn’t compromise who I am for want of a bunch of bad apples in the barrel.  For all I know, good news is around the corner.  And I can gloat about it for years to come.
Or it’s all the fault of that cheap glass of Sauvignon Blanc I had earlier this evening.  The very large glass.