The good news is that even more weight has been lost – clothes wise I’m somewhere between a medium and a large.  The bad news is that I know it too.
 
WTF do I mean by that?  Well, whilst physically I’ve been changing, mentally I still think like I’m sixteen stone something, I think that I’m not worth of attentions from anyone of a higher…caliber and therefore punch below my weight.  Or at least I had been doing until this week when I finally began to realise that I’ve moved up a division or two and actually…I am actually capable of turning heads.
 
Today it happened 4 times, three times in Cafe Nero in Covent Garden and once on the bus home of all places.  I felt so smug and cocksure until the realisation of what I was doing set in and froze me to the core.  I was being someone I despised and I hated that feeling.  It was like Kira in the DS9 episode where she witnesses the suicide of the female Vedek.
 
It’s not easy trying to put all this into words and even harder to put my own brand of spin into this.  I was definitely an Ugly Duckling as a child but I am maturing well and the older I get and the more confident I am in myself and my abilities, the more success I have with people; friends, colleagues, lovers etc.  It’s not a totally tenable situation – the skin will sag again, the weight will eventually return and the world will move on but whilst the getting is good, I’m gonna get some!  However, I am going to have to put in measures to ensure I don’t get arrogant or over-confident because what goes up must as surely come down.
 
Mentally though, I’m really in a good place.  Meeting new people through Thingbox, going on dates, being less restrained than I used to be.  It’s a good reason why I worked so hard at losing the weight to begin with.  And I’m even feeling so good that I’m finally, finally going to tackle the garden in all its glory after so many years of neglect.  My plan is to dig it up, herbicide the whole patch and lay down barkchips, decking and maybe a couple of benches and pots.  It’ll be low maintenance but the perfect autumnal garden.  This means I want plants with greeny-brown foliage and a couple of shrubs. 
 
There’s a tonne more but I’m living life rather than bitching about it passing my by so I’m gonna put the keyboard down and go to sleep.
 
*grins*
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